Could Your Behaviour Be Coercive Control?
“You don’t need to go out. We always have the best time together.”
“I don’t like your friends. They turn you against me.”
“I saw you liked that guy’s post. What’s going on?”
Liam believed he was just being protective. He loved Sarah and thought caring meant knowing where she was and who she was with. That’s what partners do, right?
Then, one day, Sarah hesitated when he asked, “Who are you texting?” She looked nervous. “Just a friend,” she replied quietly. At that moment, something changed for Liam. She wasn’t worried about what she had done. She was scared of his reaction.
What Is Coercive Control in a Relationship?
Many people believe domestic and family violence only involves physical acts. But coercive control is just as damaging. It refers to patterns of dominating behaviour, emotional manipulation, and threats that gradually strip away a person’s independence and sense of self. In many regions, it is now recognised as a criminal offence.
Signs You Might Be Controlling Your Partner
Coercive control is not always easy to spot in yourself. Here are signs that your behaviour might be unhealthy:
- You get upset when your partner spends time with others
- You check their phone or monitor their online activity
- You make them feel guilty when they don’t follow your wishes
- You threaten to leave or harm yourself during disagreements
- Your partner seems anxious or afraid to speak up
Liam never saw himself as abusive. But when he noticed Sarah’s fear, he had to ask himself: was he showing love, or was he using control to feel secure?
Breaking the Cycle of Coercive Control
Recognising these behaviours doesn’t make you a bad person. It means you have the power to choose something better. Here’s how you can begin:
Listen – If your partner says they feel controlled, avoid getting defensive. Hear them out with an open mind.
Reflect – Ask yourself: Would I feel free or trapped if the roles were reversed?
Seek Help – Support programmes exist to help individuals unlearn controlling patterns and develop healthy, respectful relationships.
Liam chose to change. He began therapy, joined a behaviour change programme, and committed to learning what real partnership looks like. Over time, he rebuilt trust with Sarah. He came to understand that love isn’t control. Love is mutual respect.
You Have the Power to Change
If this story resonates with you, know that it’s never too late to take a different path. Recognising coercive control is the first and hardest step. From there, healing, learning, and change are possible.
For guidance on your rights or how to support someone affected by coercive control, get in touch with a legal or counselling service.
Support Resources
Support for men is available 24/7 through MensLine Australia at 1300 78 99 78
Support for women is available via DV Connect – Womensline at 1800 811 811